Lived Experience Forum

[ClockFace]

Been to doctor, she says (I agree) back is improving but not going to do anything more about it until we hear from my surgeon. Thankfully Ive still got some pain killers left. Should be enough for some sleep tonight and a spare for when I get home from my long trip to the cardiologist tomorrow.

There is no spinal infection which is good news but as a side result of the test they found a inflamation marker was quite high, higher than they found a few weeks ago and much higher than a few months ago. So they are running some more tests to see if they rise further and hopefully get an indication as to whats causing it. Does seem its causing the GP a bit of concern. She has squeezed me in yet again on Wednesday shes hoping for results from bloods and from the surgeon.

She did ask a bunch of questions trying to work out what might be causing the markers to be high but I said to her that Ive just felt generally lousy for ages, as long back as I can remember. I thought it was what I ate, so I changed it, what I drank changed it. Didnt make no never mind, kept some changes not all. Then I just figured it was all the stress and carry on

Its amazing, I told my sister the above and got "ok". Told my Mum and she turned it around to be about her. I do so much for my sister and I get ok. So often she just seems so flippant or that she doesnt care about what is going on in my life. I have told her most of what is going on mentally for me and its like Im talking about some random person neither of us know.

Dad is doing many of my chores for me, which I appreciate. One of my chores he's doing is to feed the dogs, we have 4 so its a bit of doing. I feed them at 4, they are used to being fed at 4, so if they arent getting fed shortly after that they tend to get a bit...demanding. They will follow me everywhere I go etc. Dad is feeding them whenever, no regularity, not keeping to the schedual so I have dogs up my bum for hours.

My moods are all over the place lately, I go through fazes of being really short and abrupt, angry, lot of anger, sadness, occassionally there is some happiness...well more or less content most of all I feel used if thats a mood. Im not getting over that and my sister isnt enjoying me pushing back. Today I had to call her MH Worker and cancel their appointment. She laster asked if I had done it and I said yes, then I asked why she couldnt have done it. I got a reply of "OK, Fair Enough". You know your in trouble when my sister says Fair Enough. Me I dont care, Im sick of being in trouble by my kid sister who I have done pretty well everything I can for her and then some. Thats something she will be doing going forward, Ive quit as secretary.

[Paperdaisy]

I hope you get some answers soon @ClockFace it's frustrating to feel unwell all the time. Sounds like things are in motion. All the best with it all.