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Bast
Senior Contributor

Bastless and Odin

Hi all of the incredibly kind and generous of self people on this Forum. I so comprehend how hard things can get.

Odin is now assertive regarding shared meal times, although I have to ensure that there is a specific order for all four footed children to obtain adequately their share of the  food. 

Odin is now amazing - he knows the sound of my little Lazer and welcomes me home. He is receptive to pats and brushing although this is usually brief. I also now receive licks and purrs. I am certain now that he understands biting and scratching is no longer acceptable - I remain horrified due to his previous families maltreatment.

As for me - how am I travelling. Totally involved in the reality from chidhood abuse and the detrimental influences upon me. i have decided (as hard as this is) to be assertive and try to deal more appropriately with the crap stuff that other people will use to hurt me. In essence I am also learning the ability to wear my undies on the outside and my cape is ready to fly away when needed. 

It is so scary. Maybe one day with suffiecent practice - the nasty stuff in my mind will lessen. It is pretty well essential to do this now.

Otherwise it will be back to the sand for my head and the ostrich feathers well and truly waving in the breeze from my butt.

Thank you and regards

Bastless (in loving memory) and Odin

 

 

16 REPLIES 16

Re: Bastless and Odin

@Bast,bless you.  Heart

Re: Bastless and Odin

I'm always interested in hearing an update from you, @Bast. I am so glad Odin is settling in and learning how to be more affectionate towards you. Sounds like a great bond has started to form. 

Sounds like the superhero in you is coming to the forefront when you need it the most (well done!).

Always here to listen...

Q

Re: Bastless and Odin

Hi @Bast,

Thanks for sharing this. Odin sounds like a loved and happy little creature. I also love your playful and brave approach to facing your demons. Hope to hear more of your super hero and fur friend adventures as they unfold 🙂

From,

C.

Re: Bastless and Odin and the butt ostrich feathers

Hi all 

Incredibly supportive and compassionate people, I thank you so much for all the kindess, support and compassionte feedback.

I am so gladdened and heartened to know I belong and am cared for. To empathise and care for another is the ultimate gift - and the giver is also a beneficiary. 

I have read all of your posts and likes and know I have been helped in my journey to wear my undies on the outside. Another perfect phrase is no longer a doormat. To include a complimentary segue  - A doormat is a  wonderful place for my four footed children to preen and sleep - Purpose purchased at XMAS literally gifts to and from. 

I am a work in progress - evolving from the harmed, hurt and limited little Bast is a very hard thing to do. To have been indoctrinated into the belief that I am the cause of great harm in-utero and blamed continuously for famiiliar issues is very hard to fight. Although, I do know now that the disgusting abuse was not because I deserved it, nor was the physical sibling and parental 

 

Re: Bastless and Odin and the butt ostrich feathers

@Bast, you always write such inspirational words. Continue to wear your undies on the outside and let that cape of yours billow in the breeze! No longer a doormat - I really like that analogy!

Re: The Adventures of Bastless and Odin 27/3/2018

Hi all caring and supportive people

Just always be kind to you - after all you deserve it. 

Odin is now demonstably free, he chills and relaxes wherever he likes or fancies on a given day. It is so glorious to watch him continue to rapidly develop. Odin is no longer the terrified obese cat that I have been blessed with. Odin has great grit, courage and determination. I so need my journey to echo his. I so enjoyed the high speed race (Icky Tony Abbott speedos this time)  that was occurring around the stairwell involving a total of four sprinting and leaping furr babies. Considering Odin was very specifically determined to requre a one cat only household. For Odin, his previous life experiences had never allowed him to participate in the glorious sensitivity, autonomy and sheer joy of being a feline. I believe that Odin has learnt so much from my other rescues, much more than I could ever have given him.

Baby girl continues to endeavour to exert her authority as leader of the pack - cat girl outfit (Ertha Kitt) version is the perfect image, claws and all. 

For me, the inspiration to grow and become continues to be constantly restricted. I attempt the completely and previously unknown assertiveness skill and experience escalating fear and self recriminations. However, some attempts have actually been successful. I don't very much like my Tony Abott look at all. I would very much prefer to simply re-adopt my doona is my friend and am struggling to drag myself through all the essential preparation to depart my house. 

Apologies all, I actually believed that the introduction of new meds would simply "fix" me, I would be all sorted and the person so like Odin that I desperately want to be. Perhaps it's the Abbott undies thing that is really putting me off. I reiterate icky +++. 

My practice ability appears to me to be inadequate and I cannot seem to stop the tirade of negative and hurtful beliefs that have been mine for decades now. Just a little break of sheer enjoyment and relief from the self consciousness and anhedonia would be wonderful. Perhaps it is about to occur. I have finally informed the union rep, no matter what his settlement plans may be, that I simply cannot deal with any more. I just need to resign and escape the umbilical cord that is continuing to strangle me after so many months. I am so grateful for all of his support although i recognise that the begging - please, please, please is so much a part of my childhood. The words don't hurt me were always included.

And now, here I come - grow and develop as Odin has done. I have inspiration living with me. The battle will continue, I am not quite as naive anymore, my days are again loaded with sadness. 

To conclude on a better note, wow to I ever have experience at this. OK - catwoman bring it on.

With much love and many thoughts

Bastless and Odin.

 

 

Re: The Adventures of Bastless and Odin 27/3/2018

To all - self compassion and care is deserved..

Today I undertook my practice for 4 sessions and then received an announced visit from client with partner. As always, I worked for them both and their relationship.  

We all do what is right when we can. 

I subsequently packed up my counselling room, as the podiatrist will utilise the room tomorrow am. I am OK with this as the mere thought of toe nail clippings and foot bits is very unpleasant. I stash all of my counselling  decor as  a result. I utilise comfort rugs, TB's, decorative throws and cushions to best ensure my client's are comforted. As am I. 

Today I took the 35 minute drive for my own supervision. I returned the call to the Union Rep who has now stood by me and protected me since January 2017 - when the horror that is public health again started. Apparently it is perfectly fine to repeatedly discriminate against a staff member who has a disability - mental illness is apparently disgusting and warrants persecution. 

I have now agreed to the terms of my resignation, the Union Rep wanted to take a stand for more. I am so appreciative of the work that has gone into this. The strangulation really took me to the depths again - it was at the point of no more. 

I have a miracle offer of 9 weeks additional thanks to this marvellous person. Today, I accepted. I have accrued LSL also. My experiences with abuse in 1:1 supervision I finally disclosed, 12 other people have been through exactly the same. I am the only one left, not standing just swaying in the breeze. I can almost feel the escape, just not quite. I have likened this entire experience, abuse, Worsafe acceptance and subsequent reneging, conciliation and re-instatement to closing a book finally. I am now at the epilogue, just finish this page and the horror will be over. 

I will have to find the courage of Odin somehow, to return and collect my personal belongings. Return my access pass and the phone. I do not want to be any where near this place as it still hurts so badly. 

Talking openly with my Supervisor has helped. 

However, I have had multiple plans for arranging support, for the return to this highly dreaded place and yet I will just go and do it. I am a worthwhile and capable person.

With many thoughts Bastless and Odin.

 

Re: Bastless and Odin

Ah the ‘Walk of Shame’ .. re getting stuff .. done that so many times. Have snuck in during lunch even. Best to get it over with sooner than later. Last bad one was nearly 2 years ago.. I put it off for over a week. Of course it was uncomfortable but had to be done @Bast 😀

Re: Bastless and Odin

@TAB@Queenie@Chamomile@NatalieS@Dec@Utpoia

Hi TAB

Adore your image, makes me smile, rare and nice experience. And you get it ........I think I am well and truly beyond any aspect of shame though, just rampant distress and another round of glorious insanity. You are so right, the minute that the formal paprer work ( deed apparently) is completed, I will be able to do it (I hope) Far too many memories of being tortured and abused, make this very difficult.

What really matters is i irreplasible photos of my furrbabies there, so sadly photos of my much loved Bast. I fought for the right to have personal items on my desk. I had 2 plants that were gifts from clients. I don't think they will be anything other than sticks in a pot. 

I will also have to do a rummage (actually why bother) if someone finds my +++permorfance development stuff - do I actually give a .....F

TAB - thank you - just so appreciative of the mind cleanse

 

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