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GeminiLion
Senior Contributor

GeminiRoar: Worried about the future

I am very down tonight. I am very stressed and worried and concern about the future. I had hope that things would be better after tonight, but I am now fearing the worst (being force to struggle on a stupid welfare card unable to have a normal life, not having access to services that I need, unable to pursue aspirations because they wont be available for the low end etc etc). I am a carer but I get treated as though I am some dole blugger from stupid judgemental people. All I hear is how bad I am on society and the fact I am in living one of the areas with a strong vote against equality of marriage (and constantly hearing how it is wrong by the general public). And thirdly I am an artist (so you get tainted as though you must be greenie or you paint horses as a hobby). But I am stuck here in my community. I do love my location (it is a beautiful although expensive part of Australia). Bob Hawke died the other day and he somewhat looks like dad. I am suspecting my father will go the same way, and dad age isnt that far off from Hawke. What will happen to me? I should not think about it but it does hang over me. I feel so isolated. I've said it before, I have little or no experience in intimacy. It is too late for me now I am 41. Okay... if I look back I was too scared to leave the house and had only ventured out at night in the same clothes. Now I wear different clothes and can go walk among people a lot more confidentially. But I am still very very petrified of people. What I want for the future is a child. I want to know what kissing is like, dating involves etc. I would love to have a job in an art gallery or a musuem (I have heaps of degrees already). I love my paradise but to be around people that I can feel more "accepted" I need to live metropolitan place perhaps. Dad will still be around for 5 - 10 years. He is 85 yo. I'm off to bed and hoping to feel better tomorrow.

4 REPLIES 4

Re: GeminiRoar: Worried about the future

@GeminiLion Hi GeminiLion yes I think many of us are feeling overwhelming pangs of grief over the election results for many different reasons. For me it is animal welfare .... sigh the vast majority of people just think about money and it has come through in this election result. We are going to have more of the same .... greed, greed, greed. 

 

I am a carer for my disabled son and I get the same reaction when I tell people they look disappointed but I really dont care anymore. I am beyond worrying about what other people think of me as I have made peace with myself (it took awhile but I have). I understand where you are coming from it is a hard position that you find yourself in re father I don't have any answers just that I understand and you are not alone. 

 

As for meeting a partner that is hard for most people but when you are a carer it makes it so much harder but not impossible. There are carer meetings which you could attend to meet other people in similar positions as you to create friendships with like minded people. I think Carers Australia would be a good place to start to gain contact details of meetings near you. I am 55 at the end of the year and came out of a 23 year marriage so the last thing I want is a relationship with anyone lol. I am happy being single it gives me freedom.

 

You might like to start posting around for forums on the different threads. You will find many people to talk with and gain ideas from. Anyway I will see you around greenpea:)

Re: GeminiRoar: Worried about the future

Not sure what to say @GeminiLion but wanted to let you know I heard you and am thinking of you.

Re: GeminiRoar: Worried about the future

I am still feeling down in despair. I am trying not to think about it. But you cannot put your head in the sand about it either. I imagine everyday life is going to get much tougher. It was hard already for the past 8 years. I was hoping for a voice again, and to be accepted and belonging. Nothing much I can do but put up with the redneck community with their ignorance, shouting, judgements and lack of compassion.

 

In the meantime, I can avoid reading media commentary from readers (even getting involved in myself) and keep to myself even more (so my confidence isn't erroded further).

 

I have gone from someone that didnt want to be around compared to years ago, to someone who does care about my health and wanting future security.

 

I value my art, even if I am not as active as I once was (I think it really largely due to the lack of having and affording a studio space).

 

I am sick of being alone. Yes try the apps and websites but I don't know what I am doing. I am mr dumbo and as I said far too late for me at my age. I might as well become a priest. 

 

I will go for a walk later after some computer work. Hopefully I will feel better. It's my day off from dad (suppose to be). Take care ❤️

 

 

Re: GeminiRoar: Worried about the future

Hearing you @GeminiLion Heart It's great that you value your art still, even if you don't have the space to fully enjoy it at the moment. And it's never too late, there are people at all ages who are learning and connecting online, this community being a great example Smiley Happy Hope you felt better after your work and walk yesterday, and that you've had a good day today

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