Lived Experience Forum

[Undecided]

I'm really struggling. I can't stop myself from stressing and getting overly anxious about germs and mess. It's causing huge issues in my marriage. I just can't stop myself. Every little spill, a few crumbs, cat hairs, or slightly dirty shoes can often tip me over the edge and I need to clean it immediately. If my husband doesn't do something neatly or clean his messes up immediately, I struggle to stop my anxiety from bubbling up, and I'll either clean up after him (and can't stop myself getting annoyed while doing it), telling him to do (or not to do) things that I think are common sense, or if I'm really in a high state of anxiety, which is every day now, I yell, mainly because I feel he's not listening to me or always forgetting things. I know it's wrong and if I want things done to my standards then I have to do it myself. I just can't seem to keep those standards up when I get so fatigued all the time (I don't even have a job or kids, which is embarrassing). I find myself feeling the need to disinfect anything my husband has touched with dirty hands, asking (well maybe more demanding) him to clean his feet before getting into bed, disinfecting our phones every day, it's just exhausting. I have become so high strung (my husband's words) that I don't even feel like I know how to relax anymore. If a piece of clothing falls on the ground, i need to re wash it, if we have sat somewhere outside of the house, we can't sit on the couch, because it'll send me into a panic, if my husband doesn't wash his hands before touching anything in the kitchen, it'll send me into a sort of rage. I raise my voice all the time because I'm panicked and then I'll feel so guilty I can't stop crying. It's destroying me and my marriage. Even now while I'm writing this, I feel my entire body is so tense and my mind is so fatigued. I don't know what to do. 

[tyme]

Hey @Undecided ,

It sounds really draining. I can see how it is affecting your relationships. 

Has it always been like this, or it is something that has become problematic recently?

Also, do you have any professional supports you can speak to about how your anxiety is affecting you?

[Undecided]

@tyme It really is. I'm absolutely exhausted. The thing is, it pretty much only affects my marriage, as I'm nowhere near as fussy about things when I'm not at home (unless it involves washing hands before eating). 

I only really noticed it getting worse and worse over the past year. I think I have always been a little bit like this, but maybe after the pandemic it may have affected me more. Although it has only sent me into a panic maybe a few months into moving into a new rental property. 

I am trying to find a psychologist at the moment but cost is a big problem and I can't seem to find one that charges less than $100 per session (after rebate). 

[tyme]

It's tough @Undecided . You are certainly not alone. I hear how the pandemic has really changed the anxiety levels of a lot of people. 

As exhausting as it is for you, I also hear how exhausting it can be for family members who are probably thinking that they just can't get it 'right'.

I really hope you find the supports you need to kerb some of the anxiety and help you function better in life in general.

[Undecided]

@tyme I'm not surprised really. 

I totally get what you mean and a lot of the time I'm sure my husband does feel that way. Although I don't think I'm alone when I expect my partner (or anyone for that matter) to wash their hands every time after going to the toilet, blowing their nose, and especially picking their nose! 

Thank you. I hope so too. 

[tyme]

Yes, you are certainly not alone @Undecided ... 

Yet again... if he is at the ripe age that he is now, and he hasn't 'learnt' to wash his hands after going to the toilet etc... then all I can say is, "Good luck trying to teach an old dog new tricks" esp if he's not bothered... 

Is it worth losing your family over it?

[Undecided]

I am certain he has adhd though so this has a lot to do with him 'forgetting' to do these things. Even if he is not bothered, I still think we should be working on things that are important to one another. 

Of course it's not worth losing family over. 

[tyme]

I wonder if sticky notes work? Put a sign on the toilet that says "WASH HANDS!" lol... @Undecided 

Find what works for you 🙂

[SmilingGecko]

Germs can actually build your immunity @Undecided. They have found that in studies people raised on farms being exposed to dirt, grime and other things have better functioning immunity systems than other people in big cities in clean houses.

I wouldn't get caught up in the fears to do with covid.  Sensationalised press wants you in a state of generalised anxiety and fear. All these cleaning agents you are using in your home can actually serve the opposite purpose by burdening your body with toxic chemicals.

I think its good to wash hands etc but you have to live. Don't let the fearmongering get to you so you can't make proper decisions.  Covid is nowhere near as dangerous as its been made out to be. Its like a flu.  There may be stronger variants coming out in future, granted but at the moment its not that significant.

Fear is a powerful catalyst and its fear that obstructs the mind from making clearheaded decisions. When a stronger killer variant comes out I would say to be vigilant and maybe even wear a gas mask when going out but for now just relax, and don't be emotionally paralysed by the hysteria coming from the World Health Organisation, politicians and health officials.

I reckon a stronger variant is on the horizon possible killer variety like Ebola but I've seen people so frightened and filled with dread since 2020 that they can't make decisions that their lives are exhausted from all the stress.

That fear will lower your immunity more than anything else.

[Undecided]

You're right, and honestly, I don't think this has anything to do with covid. I mean, I am little  but worried about getting sick, but it has more to do with my husband picking his nose and touching something, or after he's had his hands down his pants! My anxiety is also around crumbs, food, hair, dirt, and things not looking clean and neat, above all else. I don't know why I'm like this.