Not Coping

[Birdofparadise8]

Thank you for clarifying that makes much more sense. 

Yes, I see him as my psych and nothing more. Yes, I have had times where I feel like I have been waiting to see him, but I don't think I break the bounds by emailing him as he said I could, and I don't think I am abusing that. As I see him weekly, it wouldn't happen more than once a week, maybe a special occasion twice if I have sent him something, say yesterday, to discuss today, but then today has happened, so then it would be two emails. 

Yes, he is paid to care, lol. 

Oh yes, we have a very special relationship, not one you would pay for, lol. 

I feel this has happened way too many times. 

I'm not sure if you know, but I was so hurt running across the road and going to cry. I shouldn't feel like that. Like you said, he is there to help me feel better. I'm not paying him to upset me. 

I was crying while writing the email. I am still sensitive now and trying not to cry about it. 

I feel like I must be too sensitive for this to happen. Maybe I'm just making a big deal about all this. Ahh, sorry. My brain is like a jumbled mess right now. @ENKELI 

Thank you for being so kind. I really appreciate it. I appreciate you as well. I have even fewer friends now with my guy friend. I texted him last night about how I felt, and he read the text but still has not replied. I am so hurt by him. I really cared about him and thought we had a good relationship, but obviously not. He doesn't like me. I feel like I keep doing so many things wrong. I'm such a failure, and nothing is going my way at the moment. I sometimes wish I was like a robot and so I wouldn't feel sad, dismissed, hurt, etc. 

[ENKELI]

@Birdofparadise8 sweetheart you are NOT a failure. The negative thoughts of depression make us feel that way but you are amazing! You live a state away from your parents at 20, you're living independently (as in you do all your chores, cooking, shopping etc) and you're studying 

Some pretty intellectual stuff!

As for your guy friend, he's a dipstick. I've never understood why men can't just respond but they don't because they don't think they need to. It's disappointing that he's decided to change the status of your friendship. Are there any interest groups at uni that you could look into joining?

I wish I could give you a great big hug my darling princess 👸 ❤️ 🫂

[Birdofparadise8]

My depression feels like such a beast right now. That is true, but I don't mind it. I do like being independent. 

Yeah, that is true, but it is hard to believe when, academically, he is very smart. No, I have had a look. Just the brunch group. 

I wish I could have your hug and give you one, too. I am not trying to be rude, but like why can't we find people like each other in person. I swear people irl are not as compassionate, kind and caring as everyone is here. 

I hope work has been better this week @ENKELI 

[ENKELI]

@Birdofparadise8 yes, it's a shame that it's hard to find kindness and friendship irl.

He may be smart, but he's a dummy!!

Sleep well my darling girl, I hope you get some good rest. 

My week has been good so far, the person causing issues at work was let go on Friday after I left so the workplace is much better.

Much love princess, I'll try messaging you during the day tomorrow 🫂💙👑👸💐🥰

[Birdofparadise8]

Yes so hard. Hahaha that is so true. I'm so please work is better again. Yeah I'm in bed about to go to sleep I think. I sent the email I'm very anxious about it but oh well. 

Have a good night. 

Thank you for chatting I will have to say goodnight. I hope work is better for you tomorrow. 

You have such a kind soul. You mean more to me than I could ever ask for.

Love your princess BoP 👸🏼🌺🫂👑

[Birdofparadise8]

Hi @ENKELI @tyme 

Psych emailed back. He was happy I was sharing how I felt about yesterday. He said I didn't need to apologise as I wasn't being disrespectful. He was sorry he made me feel dismissed again, and we could discuss it when I see him next week. He also said it's good that I have noticed I am starting to spiral, and we can impact it somehow. He hopes I can practice some things in a loving way (whatever that means, as I don't feel very loving). 

I thought what he said was nice, but I'm unsure how I can impact the spiral. A week feels like a while, but oh well. 

I hope you both are having a good day. I have a thing with Carlton today. I got picked for a focus group with five other people as we are first-year members. How cool is that? 

[ENKELI]

@Birdofparadise8 morning Princess 👸 

I'm glad you got a positive response from your psych. A week is a good amount of time for you to work on coping strategies to help you manage. I have every faith that you can do this 🥰🫂

That is so cool that you've been selected as part of a focus group for the Blues! How exciting! That's something for you to think about - see, good things are coming your way Princess.

Have a good day, I'll check.in when I can

xx💐❤️👑

[Birdofparadise8]

Hi @ENKELI 

Yeah, I am, too. I didn't sleep very well and have been anxious all morning. 

Yeah, well, I'm not too sure how helpful they have been since last week, as it's been quite hard, but I am trying my best. "coping strategies" don't seem to be helping with the not coping. I've been feeling so many things lately. 

Yeah, it's today at 2 pm, so it will be interesting to see what is involved. 

Thank you Enkeli. I'll be around today. 

[ENKELI]

I know you'll be with team Blue right now and hope that you are having lots of fun and enjoyment in the focus group @Birdofparadise8. 

I'm sorry your coping strategies are not working sweetie, is there anything else we can do to help?

Thinking of you 🫂👑💐💙🙏

[Birdofparadise8]

Hey @ENKELI 

It was so cool got to go through the club and I saw some of the players. I got a free drink and a beanie so even better. 

The conversation was really good and I hope I gave some good feedback.