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Something’s not right

saharagirl
Contributor

OCD beating me

Hi all,

My OCD is tiresome and I thought they I had beat it for a while so I have been so disappointed to see it coming back into my life and just take over and steal my joy. My compulsions aren't obvious ones, I'm more pure o if you believe in that. I do because I know what it's like inside my head. It's just a lot to deal with when you know a lot of people don't understand what you're going through or how painful it is to experience OCD. I'm really scared it's going to keep getting worse and I'm going to lose control and wind up stuck in my compulsions. I've tried ERP several times and my psychologist has just got me starting it again but it's so bloody hard to do the opposite of what my head is saying and to tolerate the anxiety it brings. I'm getting a new OCD psychiatrist in the next few months which is scary and exciting. I just hope I can hold myself together until then. 

Does anyone here relate or have their own OCD stories?

8 REPLIES 8

Re: OCD beating me

Hi @saharagirl , I have OCD in the form of germophobia. I'm not sure what you mean by "pure o"...do you mean more obsessions than compulsions? You're right, OCD is painful, and also time-consuming and a terrible burden. 

 

I've done a little Exposure Response Prevention therapy and it was terrifying. I've never heard of an OCD psychiatrist before, but yes, that's exciting in a scary way!

 

I used to put litres of disinfectant into my laundry wash, and also sometimes wash my hands in pure disinfectant. I don't do either of those things any more, thankfully. 

 

I'm not sure what form your OCD takes...but I'm sorry to hear it's bothering your life again. 

Re: OCD beating me

Pure O does more focus on obsessions than compulsions, but the way I interpret it for me is that my compulsions aren't physical and generally no one would know I'm doing them (mostly mine is avoidance both physically and mentally).
And the psychiatrist specialises in OCD above most other conditions. My last psych was a general one and she didn't understand the finer details of OCD which is why I had to leave in the end.
I'm glad for you that some of your compulsions are under control. Did you do that with the ERP? I'm trying to work out if ERP is permanent part of our lives just because we have OCD?

Re: OCD beating me


@saharagirl wrote:
Pure O does more focus on obsessions than compulsions, but the way I interpret it for me is that my compulsions aren't physical and generally no one would know I'm doing them (mostly mine is avoidance both physically and mentally).

Thanks for explaining, @saharagirl . 

 

I didn't actually stop those 2 compulsions by using ERP therapy - I hadn't started any ERP therapy at that stage. I think as long as we have OCD symptoms, we'll have to face ERP. In my case though, my hoarding disorder and childhood trauma have been much more urgent to work on, so the ERP has gone onto the back burner for now.

 

I would think that a psychiatrist specialising in OCD would be rare, so that's fortunate they are in your geographical area. Even rarer if they do talk therapy as well!

 

A handy forum tip is to type @ and then click on a member's name in the drop-down box that you want to reply to - that way they'll get a notification and won't miss your reply. 🙂

 

 

Re: OCD beating me

@saharagirl Hi.

Is it ok if to ask what exactly your OCD is? Like what you do and don't do? I can help somewhat. I have OCD and have no problem, as in it doesn't bother me.

Re: OCD beating me

@Supercoolguy Hi,

 

I am too afraid of my own OCD to share exactly what it is on a forum, but it is one of the more taboo forms so maybe that gives you an idea. My main compulsion these days is avoidance, avoiding going certain places, avoiding looking at certain things, avoiding certain thoughts where I can. It makes my world pretty small at times. And it makes me afraid of so much.

Re: OCD beating me

I see. I hope you get the support you need. I have nothing to say. I wish I could help and have the answers but I don't. I'm sorry.

Re: OCD beating me

Thank you @saharagirl, after having whole morning ruminating on my obsession, calling lifeline and researching about it, this was what I needed to feel less isolated. Thank you so much.

 

I’m new here so I hope I’m inserting myself into a forum I don’t need to be in, but I really resonated with your story.

 

I’ve got a obsession around the theme of hurting myself and like yours, my compulsion is one that is not so obvious and is very easy to hide (in specific spending lot of time researching about the matter and avoiding anything that evokes anxiety).

 

it’s like my head is stuck on a broken record and it really leaves me scatterbrained, really messing with my concentration with anything I have to do for the day. I think pure O can be quite constant cause we don’t have a compulsion that will directly control our obsession.

 

Therapy worked really well last year, only to find myself having the same obsession which I thought I’ve beaten, which was really disappointed to see in myself, I’m even also waiting on my Gp appointment to get the MH plan, which will be a little bit to go ahaha.

 

Never heard of ERP myself! I’m sorry that it’s not been working for you, having to always go against your obsession sounds awful. The anxiety will be so constant for me my energy would run out midday.

I did CBT and ACT last year and ACT worked really well with me. Have you tried that one before?

 

Sorry if I rambled, thank you for sharing your story.

 

Let us know how your psychiatrist goes, you got this!❤️

Re: OCD beating me

Hey @gummycash ,

 

Thanks for sharing a little about what's happening for you. Well done on being proactive about your recovery! I recognise how having chronic obtrusive thoughts can be so draining sometimes. 

 

I'm glad to hear that therapy has been very helpful. 

 

I struggled with OCD in the past, but when changes to life circumstances happened, the OCD seemed to fall away without too much intervention.

 

I have to say I ended up getting therapy - MBT. It was very helpful. I had elements of ACT during separate psychology sessions which was super helpful too.

 

I look forward to hearing from you. 

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