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Lostandalone
Senior Contributor

Suspended from work and not coping

HELP!!!! I am at breaking point....

I have been having trouble at work for around 6 months now.... basically been bullied and victimized by management... I have been under so much pressure to do the right thing that I keep doing the wrong thing and now I have been suspended from work ( fortunately on full pay). I feel they have been trying to get rid of me and now they have succeeded... and I just know they are going to terminate my employment (part of me wants them to as I just cannot work there anymore after all this.... but I don't want to give them the satisfaction of my resignation) 

as you can well imagine.... I am an emotional mess.... I am on edge constantly... shaky... cry randomly.... feel like a tightly wound spring ready to explode.... I don't sleep well.... I feel like I can't breathe.... I don't know what to do..... I want to scream... I want to run.... I have visions of self harm that scare me ( I can feel myself cutting my wrists or strangely ankles) to relieve the stress .... but at the moment I have the will power not to follow thru

my thoughts are all over the place 

I have friends I want to turn to for help... but some of them I am not allowed to as they are work colleagues and I have been sworn to secrecy and advised that I must not discuss with anyone who I work with..... I have my son ( and a group of aquired children) that are here for me.... but I don't want to burden them with my problems as they have their own stresses with the corona pandemic mayhem and their educations

i have other friends who are there for me.... but I am too embarrassed by what is going on and don't want to be a burden 

I can't get into my psychologist for a few weeks 

I prefer not to talk on the phone 

I am at crisis point

 

6 REPLIES 6

Re: Suspended from work and not coping

Hi lostandalone

I'm pixi and I've also been bullied out of work. Not recently admittedly but ... I guess I just wanted to say that unfortunately you are not alone. All your feeings are so reasonable to feel. I don't have any words of wisdom I just want you to know that whether happy or sad days pass and in this moment you may not be able to choose happy but I want you to remind yourself you can always choose happy when you are able 🙂

 

 

Re: Suspended from work and not coping

Thank you @Pixi

Re: Suspended from work and not coping

Dear Lostandalone,

 

First, I would like to say how sorry I am that you are going through all this. It sounds like a huge burden. I know how difficult it is when you are pounded by life's events and have very little support. It's doubly difficult if you are also caring for children. I

 

'm not going to give you advice, only tell you what has worked for me recently. Having someone to talk to is really important and as I don't have a partner or any family or friends (I don't feel that I can burden my friends either) that I can talk to, setting up a good mental health support network has been vitally important. It took a while, but I now have a really good female GP who is very supportive. I have also discovered that there are good help lines around like the Prince of Wales Acute Care Team and the Allied Health Team. (I'm in Sydney so you may have different ones in your state.) I have tried BlueKnot Foundation a couple of times and they didn't return my calls. I guess it's just a matter of finding one that you can relate to.  I have finally found a good psychologist but have run out of Medicare sessions with her - 10 sessions a year is really not enough. 

 

The other thing that has been really useful is checking myself into a good mental health facility. If you have a decent level of hospital cover, they will cover your costs. Make sure you go to a good one though, as there are plenty of dodgy ones as I have discovered. It's amazing how beneficial it is to be taken care of, physically and psychologically., for a few weeks. This one might be difficult if you are looking after children, but if they can stay with someone for a week or two, I highly recommend it.

 

Another thing which has been useful is doing DBT therapy. I suffer from C-PTSD, BPD, anxiety, and depression and the DBT is proving very useful.  Again, this is something that is covered by a health fund if you do it at a private hospital (as an outpatient). I love my Health Fund!

 

My recovery has been a long, sow process, and I'm nowhere near being where I want to be, but all these tools are helping me.


I wish you the very best and don't hesitate to post again if you have any questions. If I can't answer, I'm sure someone else will be able to.  The most comforting thing for me is know that we are not alone in our pain. 

 

 

Re: Suspended from work and not coping

How are you doing now, @Lostandalone ?

Re: Suspended from work and not coping

@NatureLover @I am doing a little better thank you.... still have the occasional wobbly patch but I am getting there

i am struggling with writing a report regarding the allegations against me as I know what ever I say they won't listen... their mind is made up

it hurts me to think about resigning... but I think for the sake of my health it is my only option 

Re: Suspended from work and not coping

@Lostandalone  I'm sorry to hear that you're between a rock and a hard place. It must be very difficult. Well done for standing up for yourself by writing the report anyway. 

 

I'm glad to hear you're doing a little better. 

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