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28-05-2020 03:53 PM
28-05-2020 03:53 PM
OCD son
Hi very new to this whole online help thing.I have a 22 years old son with Aspeegers and severe OCD.He sees health professional e.g. OT and psychologist who he is happy with but he never does what they suggest to help.His GP has suggested medication and he refused to take it. He washes his hands roughly every 20 min, will only wash 4 item in our machine at a time and has to do a 2 hour drum clean of machine with soap after each load.He will not touch and handles ie door, car,,fridge. No one is allowed in his room and all this creates stress between me and my husband and 19 year old son.They have little to no communication with him in the house otherwise it's an argument. He has ruined our bathroom with excess water and soap and I'm on anti depressants trying to cope with it all.Somedays I'll get angry with him other days I'm just to tired to care. He has no intention of leaving home as it won't be clean enough and I feel the life I had hoped for him is just a pipe dream.
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28-05-2020 07:05 PM
28-05-2020 07:05 PM
Re: OCD son
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29-05-2020 05:33 AM
29-05-2020 05:33 AM
Re: OCD son
Thank you.
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29-05-2020 10:05 AM - edited 29-05-2020 10:11 AM
29-05-2020 10:05 AM - edited 29-05-2020 10:11 AM
Re: OCD son
Hi and welcome, @Mel24h . I'm sorry you are so stressed and struggling with your 22-year old son with OCD germophobia.
My thoughts are that if your son could leave home and set up on his own, that this might be a good thing. He could then make the place as clean as he likes, while reducing stress for you at home with your family. I have germophobia myself. I live alone and yet I've had some progress with my germophobia. I used to put about 2 litres of disinfectant into each laundry wash...this made the clothes all sticky and I spent a fortune on that cheap disinfectant that comes in the 2L bottles. I also used to wash my hands in pure disinfectant. I now do neither of these things.
I find that the cleanliness of something is not necessarily logical. For instance, if I decide something is clean, it's clean; the same with "dirty". I have 122 face washers which I use to ritually dry wipe items like library books a certain number of times. I take sanitiser everywhere and have done for years. When I'm at my volunteer job, the staff are used to me spraying the door handles with disinfectant. I find my friends are mostly supportive - I have lost 2 friends over the years due to my germophobia as they were offended by it, but the others are kind to me about my germophobia. I tend to have a shower and wash my clothes and hair after medical appointments and not before, due to the possible germs in the waiting room. I generally can't have people in my home - too stressful - but I meet friends out at cafes. I also wash my hands up to a hundred times a day. It means that everything takes longer, but I still get by OK.
I guess what I'm saying is that you can still live a functional and relatively happy life with germophobia. I am working on it slowly with my psychologist, but I have a number of other conditions which are more urgent to work on. My psychologist has tried me with a little bit of "exposure therapy" - this is the main treatment for germophobia. It hasn't been much of a success yet, but then again I haven't been able to really focus on it due to my hoarding disorder and other conditions taking precedence.
I don't know how your son's Asperger's interacts with his OCD...or whether that would make moving out of home difficult for him. It may be that all he could afford might be an old place...but he could still scrub it clean (I'm in an old place myself). I am wondering if he could get a support worker as well, to help with both his conditions.
Another thing that helps is medication...but you say he won't take it. That's a shame. I wonder what his reasoning is behind this?
I guess you are grieving the hopes you had for your son. This must be hard. But I would like to encourage you that if you can try to accept how your son is, that things aren't necessarily terrible. My father has never accepted me how I am, which has done me an ocean of damage. In fact, it has made my conditions worse. But I consider myself a success, in battling what I do every day, with my other conditions as well, and making it through and working 2 days a week in my volunteer job, and living independently. My father can't see any of that.
I'm not sure if any of this has been helpful. It sounds like you are really struggling...what supports do you have in place yourself? It might help to see a counsellor yourself, to talk through your feelings about all this. At least that way you would have an outlet. And please feel free to keep writing how you are doing and feeling here too, where people can offer peer support. I'm not a carer, so I can't help in that way. But others here can.
A handy forum tip is to type @ and click on someone's name that you want to reply to in the drop-down box - that way they will get a notification that you're speaking to them. If you do this with me and @Shaz51 then we can come here and reply to you.
Wishing you all the best.
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29-05-2020 02:04 PM
29-05-2020 02:04 PM
Re: OCD son
@NatureLover thank you so so very much.We do love our son very much and truely want what's best for him .Irs comforting to hear there are people out there to listen. We have brought him up to be independent he has a casual job at woolies,his own car and although his diet is super bad he does cook tea one night a week. I've suggested he move out in a calm and open approach but is adimate it's not happening. Again thank you for your on-site.I might try and revisit he medication issue too.
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29-05-2020 02:18 PM - edited 29-05-2020 02:21 PM
29-05-2020 02:18 PM - edited 29-05-2020 02:21 PM
Re: OCD son
Thank you @Mel24h , although I don't feel I've been able to help much. It's great your son has a job at Woollies and drives and cooks tea once a week 🙂 It's a credit to you as well that he doesn't want to move out.
With the medication issue, maybe it would help if you could get to the reason(s) why he won't take medication? I've heard all sorts of reasons, including "it's made of chemicals". So then maybe you could address the reason.
Wishing you heaps of luck, and thank you for tagging me...please tag me again if you write more updates on how you're doing. 🙂
Thank you also @Shaz51 for tagging me in the first place. It's sometimes lonely not knowing many other germophobes.
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29-05-2020 06:53 PM
29-05-2020 06:53 PM
Re: OCD son
@Mel24h how are you tonight my friend xx
don`t forget abou you my awesome friend
sopoo important to remember your own self care my friend xx
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29-05-2020 10:24 PM